"What Did I Do To Deserve This?"
A Babysitter's Introduction to
Separation Anxiety

When you decided to start babysitting, you probably had no idea about Separation Anxiety in children. You may feel like an expert by now! Most likely, two factors caused you to consider babysitting: You wanted to earn some money, and you love kids. Put the two together, and it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to see that babysitting is a pretty reasonable part-time job for you. Maybe you’ve taken some classes and networked for your first jobs, or maybe you have talked a family member into letting you sit for a cousin or nephew on the weekends. Whether you already know the child well or just meet him that day, the first part of the evening generally looks something like this:

The parents lead you around the house, showing you were to find snacks, band-aids, emergency numbers, etc. The child eyes you and maybe hides behind Mom or Dad.

The parents put on their coats and gather their keys, which causes the little guy to get pretty worked up.

A full-fledged tear fest begins when the parents say goodbye. The child cries, pleads, and maybe even throws a temper tantrum.

He continues to cry for a few minutes after the folks leave and then turns to you as if nothing has happened and asks if you want to play.

Talk about a blow to the ego! Each time to you go over to baby sit, you get the same situation. It can cause you to wonder if you’ve done something to terrify the kid or if maybe his parents have spoiled him, and now he throws a fit when they want to do something without him. You begin to wonder if one of you has some sort of mental disorder. Most likely, none of these is the case.

When babies reach a certain age, they develop Separation Anxiety. It happens to pretty much every child and continues through the toddler and preschool years. The reason it happens is so that the child won’t wander too far away from Mom or Dad. They want to be near their parents and therefore shouldn’t get too carried away and end up lost or hurt with no one to help. It is a part of how their brains develop. You did the same thing when you were little.

The best way for a babysitter to deal with Separation Anxiety in children is to recognize that it is completely normal. You haven’t done anything to cause the child to dislike you. It can also be frustrating because after a fun evening of playing Candyland and watching Disney movies, the kid will often start crying again when the parents return. Believe it or not, he’s not trying to make it look like you’ve been torturing him for hours! It is a result of the Separation Anxiety. When the parents come home, his little brain remembers how upsetting it was when they left. That’s why you can have a ton of fun every time you baby sit, but the baby or toddler will still cry the next time you come over.

The good news is that by babysitting the child, you are teaching him that he can be safe away from Mom and Dad. He is learning how to trust other people and discovering that he is an individual. You are actually a part of him developing into a healthy adult! Of course, it can be disappointing the next time you watch him, and it seems like he doesn’t remember how well you get along. Give him a few minutes to adjust, and it will come back to him. You can also take heart in the fact that by recognizing Separation Anxiety in children, you can help them move safely through that phase of their development.